I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This is my gift to your gina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize