don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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