I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
where am i from again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
