I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
