I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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