When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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