mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
