he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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