I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize