he wants to bone in the snuggie
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
