Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
