Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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