He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
