you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
