I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
