My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
