He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize