He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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