Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize