so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
