eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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