At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
