I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
