I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
