last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
