Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize