Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
