I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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