Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
