I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
