i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
