This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
