that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
