a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
