Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
