she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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