I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
