I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
