i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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