so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
