so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
