I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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