don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
