There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
