Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
