Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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