matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
