My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A bitchslap is in order.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
