Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize