i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
