Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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