I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
