sarcasm needs its own font
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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