A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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