Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
