Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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