i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
