I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
