please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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