The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
