Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't turn off my feet"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
