i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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