You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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