Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize