Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
