This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
pray to the hookup gods
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
