those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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