this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize