the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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