i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
