I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my liver is dry heaving
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize