Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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