We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
