I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
