i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
